Cherish the Cross - Join me on my quest to find all the pretty stones on the rocky path of faith.

Are you doing enough self-care?

05/14/2012 Suzanne No comments

Paul’s Mothers’ Day gift to me was driving me to and from the emergency room. I had a horrible migraine and couldn’t keep anything down, including water. I feel better today, thanks to some powerful meds. Wanting to avoid a repeat performance, I read up on preventative plans and stocked up on supplies.

Just a reminder to parents with special needs kids, many studies show the negative effects of chronic stress, so a word of caution to you. Self-care is a must, not an option. You’re in this for the long haul. By the time you get to be my age, you’re going to feel it in your bones, especially if you’re parenting a child on the spectrum all by yourself.

Please listen to your body and don’t try to do everything on your own. Trust me when I say you won’t be able to sustain that level of energy for long. Evaluate your daily output and make adjustments, not only for your health but for your family. Say yes to exercise, rest, and spiritual input, and no to anything that pulls you away from your core ministry. God does not expect you to volunteer at school, church, take care of other needy people, etc… You have to swallow your pride and know that you’re the one who needs help, as hard as that is.

That’s my prayer for you today, that God would give you discernment as to what is His yoke for you.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:29

Flying solo, So this is Asperger's

Bizarre dreams are so revealing

05/09/2012 Suzanne No comments

Do you remember your dreams? Isn’t it amazing how bizarre they are? I tend to remember the angst-ridden ones best, maybe because they’re so vivid and reveal so much. Analyzing them helps me understand my emotions so I can make decisions accordingly.

In most cases, it’s pretty obvious what my mind is wrestling with. For instance, in one dream, I was walking through the woods on a sunny day when a huge bee came out of nowhere, zoned in on me, and stung both my ears. They instantly swelled up, making me look like Princess Leia. Earlier that day, somebody had said some unkind things to me. In another dream, I got on an airplane, but all the seats were taken. So I wandered around the airplane carrying all my stuff. At the time I had this dream, I was looking for a way out of an unpleasant situation, but wasn’t able to find one. In yet another dream, I was driving a Volkswagen beetle down a street in my neighborhood when the engine caught fire. I frantically pulled two billy goats from the backseat and escaped. I have no idea what that one was about, but most of the time they help me process and take the next step. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if dreams were little gifts from God to help us along.

I pray God would show you dreams that help you process your emotions and make good decisions, especially when you’re navigating your way through landmines.

One of the best dreams I ever had was seeing Jesus. It was more like a fleeting moment, not a long dream. I was standing in the doorway of a room when Jesus walked in. I immediately fell at His feet in worship. I’ve had other beautiful dreams in which I felt ministering spirits, but never one in which I come face-to-face with Jesus.

Do you know the hymn, More of You? Here’s the refrain:

My prayer is less of me and more of Thee
Through your eyes I want to see
Less of me and more of Thee, Oh thank you Lord
In your perfect will, Oh Lord, I want to be
OOOOOOh Ohhhhhh, Hallelujah

Walking the tightrope

04/21/2012 Suzanne No comments

A boy in my neighborhood made a tightrope between two large trees in his front yard. How ingenious. I often see him teetering on that rope, barefooted, arms waving in opposite directions, face fixed in determination. We are simpatico: him, trying to make it to the other side without falling off; me, trying to make it through the day without failing the Lord in some way.

Lately, I’ve been trying to strike a balance between being a good person and setting boundaries with people who are being unjust. I have yet to figure it out. That’s code for: I’m failing miserably and too embarrassed to go into details. My heart cries out: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” [Romans 7:15]

I will never be able to keep myself from falling off that tightrope. All that effort is useless against the pull of sin. Thankfully, God doesn’t expect me to; He wants me to cry out to Him and lean on Him for strength. Please pray for me!

For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you. 1 Corinthians 1:12

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Mark Zuckerburg and Asperger’s

04/17/2012 Suzanne No comments

Wow. I was surprised to read this article about Mark Zuckerburg and Asperger’s on the Gawker website. How inflammatory.

It made me wonder what would happen if you replaced the word Asperger’s with any other attribute that applies to Mr. Zuckerburg, for instance, Jewish American. It becomes instantly clear how derogatory this article is. Just look at the negative stereotyping about people with Asperger’s.

Anybody who has dealt with Asperger’s knows that this writer’s views are not unusual. Maybe people don’t go around venting like he does, but it’s ubiquitous, even at church. We’ve had political correctness shoved down our throats, to the point most of us know better than to say anything negative about any sub group in America. Yet, when it comes to an invisible disability, like Asperger’s, we seem to have a blind spot.

You know what I’d like to see? If, indeed, Mark Zuckerburg does have Asperger’s, I’d like to see him speak out about what it’s like to live with it. I’d like all those who have a measure of influence speak out. Wouldn’t that be amazing? A movement like the movie, Bully. Yeah!

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Asperger’s and compassion in the workplace

04/09/2012 Suzanne One comment

Here’s a quote from what our president said in his Presidential Proclamation on World Autism Awareness Day, April 2, 2012.

“As new policies and bold actions break down old barriers and reshape attitudes, we move closer to a world free of discrimination and full of understanding for our family members and friends living with ASDs. On World Autism Awareness Day, let us reaffirm our dedication to supporting those on the autism spectrum and their families, and let us continue the work of ensuring all our people have a chance at achieving the American dream.” President Barak Obama.

My hat’s off to the president’s speech writer; he sure knows how to strike an emotional cord. But will we ever live in a world where people with ASD are truly accepted? Here’s something that gives me hope. My friend works with someone who is brilliant, hardworking, diligent, honest, and fair. But his odd social and communication skills irritate his managers, so he’s come close to being fired on several occasions. He means well, but it just comes out all wrong. Sound familiar? Undiagnosed Asperger’s, perhaps?

My friend has figured out what to do to help him—this without an official diagnosis or professional advice from anybody. She preps him before meetings so he knows what to say, in what order, and what not to say. During meetings, if a misunderstanding arises, she politely “translates” what he’s saying to others. After meetings, because she knows he doesn’t grasp salient points, she goes over the takeaways. She says he has improved a lot since she’s been doing this.

This is proof enough that in most cases of Asperger’s, neurotypical people need only exercise a little common sense and a lot of compassion. It makes all the difference! When people with physical disabilities are part of our schools or offices, not much is required of us. But when it comes to people with neurological disabilities, goodness, it tests our patience. What, me? Slow down, take time out of my busy schedule to help someone? Someone who happens to irritate me? No, thanks. Worse, ASD people can be viewed as a threat. Case in point, this is what happened to my son in his college dorm.

OK, Mr. President, we’re at a pivotal moment in the history of ASD. None of us needs to be reminded of the epidemic numbers of ASD in this country. How will we embrace the flood of ASD children entering high school, college, and the workforce? Will their many talents be put to good use, or will they languish in group homes, or worse, be streamlined into the penal system? We’re waiting to see what comes of this proclamation, Mr. President.

“This is what the LORD Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Zachariah 7:9

So this is Asperger's Christian parenting blog, Christian perspective on Asperger's, parenting child with Aspergers, Presidential Proclamation on World Autism Awareness Day

Don’t you love social media?

04/06/2012 Suzanne No comments

It took awhile, but I have a Facebook page and a Twitter account. Would you consider “liking” my Facebook page and following me on Twitter? I would be honored! Blessings to you.

This and that

Joy and the Good Humor ice cream truck

04/06/2012 Suzanne No comments

Phot credit: GoodHumor.com

A Good Humor ice cream truck—the first of the season—just drove down my street playing O, Come Ye Faithful. A Christmas carol is the last thing you would expect to hear coming from an ice cream truck, but who cares? When I was a kid, I listened intently for the tinkling music because it meant Strawberry Shortcake on a stick. Crunchy coating, creamy layer of vanilla, hot pink center of who knows what.

Now that I’m a mom, all I can think is how out of tune the music is, how much fructose that icky ice cream contains, and whether or not the county health department checks food trucks for adherence to food safety codes. How different I am from that excited girl who ran barefoot down the hot asphalt, coin in hand, in pursuit of cold, creamy bliss. Have the years done something irreversible to my brain that I can’t even feel thrills and chills anymore? Come to think of it, when was the last time I felt that giddy sense of happiness. I honestly can’t remember. Sorry to be depressing, but bear with me; there’s a point to this.

Photo credit: GoodHumor.com

I read somewhere that as we age our emotions become more mellow and we become more content. That’s a nice way to say our emotions become flat, colorless, and deflated. In some sense, I suppose it’s a blessing that we don’t feel the extreme highs and lows anymore because that’s just too tiring.

So here’s my point. I wonder if you’ll agree with me. The only thing that made me feel happy about seeing the ice cream truck today…or rather what made me feel joyful, big difference, was thinking about the lyrics to O, Come All Ye Faithful. Compared to ice cream, thinking about Jesus was much more effective in filling me with a sense of contentment, beauty not found in this world, and hope that surpasses all understanding. As I’ve said before it was supernatural joy that came out of nowhere…proof that it’s not manmade.

I know it’s way too late, or way too early for Christmas, and Easter is just around the corner. But just look at the sublime lyrics to O, Come Ye Faithful. I thank John Wade for penning such exquisite words and look forward to telling him in person when I get to heaven where we will bow at His feet, overflowing with gratitude, awe, and mounds and mounds of joy.

O Come All Ye Faithful Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him, Born the King of Angels;
[refrain: O come let us adore him…]

O Sing, choirs of angels,
Sing in exultation,
Sing all that hear in heaven God’s holy word.
Give to our Father glory in the Highest;
[refrain]

All Hail! Lord, we greet Thee,
Born this happy morning,
O Jesus! for evermore be Thy name adored.
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;
[refrain]

This and that Christian parenting blog, Christian single mom blog, joy in suffering

What would you do if you won the Mega Million lottery?

03/30/2012 Suzanne 3 comments

The first thing I would do is breathe into this paper bag to keep from fainting. A couple of people in our office collected a few dollars from each of us to buy some tickets for us. For the rest of the day, the office chatter revolved around what we would do if we won. Quit our jobs. Take a vacation. Buy a new house. Save for the future. Pay off loans. Give some to our family and friends. Give the rest to charity.

I’m sure you’ve been thinking about it, too. It’s hard to avoid the hype of a worldwide historic jackpot of $640 million. In spite of the stories of previous winners whose lives were turned upside down—including a man whose brother, the beneficiary of his estate, hired a hit man—I still hope and dream it will be our ticket that gets flashed on the screen tonight. But I’ve also been thinking about this verse.

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” Malachi 3:10

As usual, the Bible turns the whole thing on its head: give and you will receive even more. So instead of dreaming of what I would do with $640 million, I should get busy dreaming of what God would do if I tested Him by giving Him my whole tithe, my heart, my whole existence…what it would be like if He should personally throw open the floodgates of heaven…and just how much blessing He would pour out on me that I won’t have room for it. How amazing that you don’t need to buy a ticket, or win, or earn it because God offers this to anybody who will take Him up on it. Forget the lottery, this is the best deal in the entire universe.

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Hunger Games and disability

03/28/2012 Suzanne No comments

It rained all weekend, and Jae, who was home for spring break, wanted to go see Hunger Games. I did get the tickets online, but it took 30 minutes to park, another 30 to wait in line, and another half an hour to get through the ads and previews. Was it worth it? Yes! But then again I’m wired to love movies.

What I liked most about the movie was the main character, Katniss. And what I liked most about her was that, even in the North Korea-like, dystopian world in which she lived, she was determined to do whatever it took to protect her sister, Prim, and fellow tributes, Rue and Peeta. Katiniss also takes notice of the male tribute from District Ten who walks with a limp from a crippled foot. (This is in the book, not the movie.) More than her survival instincts, it is her protective instinct that makes her a true heroine.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4

As a mother of a grown child with a disability, I often wonder what it would have been like for Paul had he been born in another time or place. For instance, if he had been born in Korea, he would not have fared as well. I was in Seoul last fall and marveled at how high tech everything was. But I also noticed a marked lack of accommodations for people with disabilities: no ramps, no handicapped bathrooms, no brail in the elevators, and hardly any special education in public schools. Most of all, attitudes toward people with disabilities have not kept pace with other advancements.

In spite of all the things we complain about, I’m glad I’m raising my kids in America where there are laws, services, and opportunities for people with disabilities. OK, the system is far from perfect, but it’s a whole lot better than most countries. I don’t know what this country will be like in another 20 years, but I pray it will continue to hold to the ideals that that we have a solemn duty to take care of those who cannot take care of themselves.

“The moral test of government is how it treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the aged; and those in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped.” – Hubert Humphrey

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Surprised by joy

03/23/2012 Suzanne One comment

As you know, C.S. Lewis borrowed “Surprised by joy,” the title of his book about coming to Christ, from William Wordsworth. The latter’s poem, “Surprised by joy—impatient as the wind,” is about the poet’s coming to terms with the death of his daughter, and in it he describes a moment in time when he forgets that his daughter is no more.

This concept of time as it relates to grief really intrigues me because there’s no escaping the fact that we all experience grief within the context of time and space. The past and future are conceptual; it’s the present we have to deal with.

In my previous post, I wrote about how my spirits were lifted by a motley bunch of fuzzy quadrupeds. I don’t think I made it clear, but I was surprised by joy—supernatural joy. If you’ve ever looked into the fur hooded eyes of an alpaca, you’ll see that I’m not entirely crazy.

There’s no mistaking it when God touches you and comforts you in the present moment. He makes certain you know it’s Him so that you will give Him all the glory. Looking back at all He has done and looking forward to His rock solid promises bring comfort, too. Nothing wrong with that. But God loves to commune with us when we need Him most. To me, the fact that He is able to comfort us in the moment and that we are able to sense it provide further proof that He is alive and actively involved in our lives. What joy it is to know that and to look for those moments in our daily walk with Him!